just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
