ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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