What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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