I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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