do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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