she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
