He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
