I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
