Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
