i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
