According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
