areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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