Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
