Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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