i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
