i don't like sucking hair
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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