Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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