If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
