I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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