White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
