i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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