forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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