i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone signed my nipple.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
