a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize