I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
