Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
