I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
