you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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