I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
