The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
