toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
