How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
