my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
