Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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