she woke up with a sticky ear
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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