i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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