I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize