She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
