um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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