i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
