Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
