i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
