ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
