Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
