No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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