ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
