just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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