She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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