Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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