i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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