First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
