did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
