so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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