she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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