ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
