Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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