and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
