This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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