Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
